Few words in the English language strike more fear into people than “crazy.”  Nobody wants to be labeled crazy and truly crazy people end up handcuffed to a bed or thrown into jail.

Crazy ideas on the other hand often turn out to be some of the best—if they don’t just get laughed at and ignored.

Well, it’s time for NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman to get downright nuts.  It’s time for Mr. Bettman to stop worrying about hockey in North America and start thinking globally.

Global is everywhere right now.  Any political conversation can’t help but include the phrase “global economy.”  Shipping companies advertise their global rates.  Heck, somehow the Harlem Globetrotters are still a form of entertainment.

Every one of America’s sports leagues is beginning to embrace the idea of going overseas. MLB has invented the world baseball classic while NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is contemplating a Super Bowl in London.  Nearly 19 percent of the NBA’s players are from a foreign country, and now professional teams in Europe have become a player in NBA free agency—Avtio Josh Childress and Linas Kleiza!

If anyone believes the NHL is just sending the Red Wings, Blues, Blackhawks and Panthers to Sweden and Finland in order to rack up those frequent flyer miles they’re sorely mistaken.  There’s an ulterior motive, and it can’t just be to promote the league in countries that enjoy the game more than the U.S. currently does.

Now, the NHL must embrace its roots in Europe on an unprecedented scale.  Just consider this Extreme Makeover: NHL Edition.

Step 1: Acceptance= Kind of like one of the steps in alcoholics anonymous, the NHL powers that be must finally accept the fact that the sport of hockey has completely fallen off the map in the U.S.—or at least in relation to the other three major leagues.

Sure, true hockey fans are probably the most passionate around but they’re few in numbers and completely non-existent in many cities that franchises currently call home.

Once the league can admit they’ve fallen from the mainstream and don’t appear to be getting up anytime soon, they can embrace this rather ludicrous idea.

Step 2: Contraction= This is the evil word nobody really wants to think about despite how realistic of a process it truly is.  It’s a lot like the pimple-faced kid in junior high that all the girls were nice to, but didn’t want to kiss.

The bottom line is that the NHL expanded too much when the global economy was good and placed teams in cities where they just didn’t belong.  Whose brilliant idea was it to move a team from Minnesota to Dallas only to then put a new franchise in Minnesota a few years later?

In order to not truly anger hockey fans, only 2 criteria should be considered: a) has the franchise had its name etched on Lord Stanley’s Cup?  And b) recent attendance.  With that being said, six organizations should be handed giant pink slips.

Start with the Phoenix Coyotes, a bankrupt franchise without a cup.  Forget trying to find them an owner or the idea of being league owned and operated.  The NHL needs to just pretend the disaster in the desert never happened.  Follow this by quickly dismissing the Atlanta Thrashers, who also can’t draw fans and have a grand total of zero playoff wins in nine seasons down south.

The Florida Panthers and their plastic rats are next to go, followed by the Columbus Blue Jackets and Nashville Predators—all teams without a cup and consistently in the lower third of the league in attendance.

Finally, the toughest choice of all comes from the Golden State—which hasn’t been so prosperous for the NHL.  The Anaheim Ducks get to stay because they won the 2007 Stanley Cup.  However, the Sharks and Kings have never won.  While the shark tank draws significantly better than the Kings, would the league want to lose a team from a major market?

It’s a difficult decision but the Sharks stay, the NHL can’t be picky with markets here.  If Los Angeles cared about hockey, this wouldn’t even be a debate.  The Kings had Wayne Gretzky–who will be better remembered for his days in Edmonton–and that’s it.

Step 3: Division= With 24 teams remaining, it’s time to decide which 12 will stay in North America and which will move or be sold to European cities in countries like Sweden, Finland, Germany, England, Russia, Norway and the Czech Republic.

There’s no doubt that the most storied franchises in the league stay put—that means the original-6 franchises in Boston, Chicago, Detroit, New York (Rangers), Montreal and Toronto remain.

The entire sport was created in Canada and their fans are still great and sellout nearly every game.  Therefore, the other four franchises up north remain as well–so Ottawa, Edmonton, Calgary and Vancouver won’t be packing their bags.

That leaves two remaining teams for the North American division and many fine candidates including the Pittsburgh Penguins, Philadelphia Flyers, New Jersey Devils and St. Louis Blues.

The power of Sidney Crosby and Mario Lemieux is equivalent to a Roman Empire that the NHL can’t afford to lose so they’re safe.

Now, some tough questions: Does Pennsylvania get two teams, what about the tri-state area?  Would the NHL be content with Chicago being its most southern reaching franchise if it stuffed the Blues’ trumpet?  Unfortunately for “the Lou,” no Stanley Cups is a big pitfall and you’re out.

Both the Flyers and Devils have a great history and fantastic fans, but the NHL paid close attention to the recent purchase of the New Jersey Nets by Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov and wants to play matchmaker, thus the Flyers stay put.

Therefore, the Devils, Blues, Colorado Avalanche, Dallas Stars, Minnesota Wild, Anaheim Ducks, San Jose Sharks, Buffalo Sabres, New York Islanders, Tampa Bay Lightning, Washington Capitals and Carolina Hurricanes are making the trip across the pond.

Step 4: Scheduling and playoffs= Don’t worry if you’re a fan of a team that will be sending postcards back, you’ll see them again in due time.

In order to make this work, the NHL must come up with a creative scheduling method so teams aren’t flying back and forth over the Atlantic Ocean.  To avoid flying costs and danger, six teams from each division will spend a couple of weeks at a time overseas to play the other teams remaining in their home cities and rotate through that division.  They will simply mix and match which teams are on which continent at the right time.  This should mean only two trips and minimal time spent in a far away place.

Teams will play their continental opponents four times each (44 games) while facing teams from the other continent a total of three times (36 games).  The cross-continent matches will be played one time in the European city, one time in the North American city and a third—alternate—time in the city from which that European team originated.

So, if the Avalanche becomes the Helsinki Hunters they would face each foe once at the Pepsi Center in Denver, CO.

With fewer teams, the playoffs would also be more difficult to qualify for.  Only six teams from each continent make their own playoffs with the top two seeds receiving first-round byes much like the NFL playoffs.  At the end, the European champion will face the North American Champion for the Stanley Cup.

Step 5: Marketing= As is the case with any idea, it will never succeed without brilliant minds to market it to the masses.

Hockey players remaining in their current cities would need to step to the forefront more than ever for advertising purposes.  Sidney Crosby, Patrick Kane (if he stops punching taxi cab drivers over 20 cents), Roberto Luongo and others must begin showing their faces and personalities on a more consistent basis.

Once free agency gets going and a contraction draft takes place, European athletes returning home will have no problems being marketed.  Should Alex Ovechkin or Evgeni Malkin head back to Russia they’ll be treated like czars.

The novelty factor at the beginning should be enough on its own to get hockey back into   mainstream culture and media outlets on this continent.  The North American rivalries will take on a new intense meaning while those same fans will be curious about how hockey is played elsewhere–do they really have cheerleaders?

Never before will a marketing machine in sports be so important as for this situation.

This could lead to disaster, but isn’t it about time the NHL takes a big risk?  At the very least, Bettman needs to float this idea out there and pull the greatest bluff in sports history.  If there really are millions of hockey fans that would be angry over this realignment, then they’ll find a way to support their teams and try convincing Bettman that the only water the players should travel over is frozen and domestic.

NHL bloggers will have a field day with Bettman—so what?  “Crazy” jokes will be at an all-time high and Bettman’s name attached to a four-letter profanity will be on twitter’s “trending topics” list for a few days.  But what does he have to lose?

In a worst-case scenario, the idea fails miserably and all the teams return to the U.S. and rebuild.  The league might need a year off restructure—been there, done that.

But if it works—oh, if it works–the NHL becomes the first truly global league, with intense fans in multiple countries and money rolling in from all corners of the world.

It’s time for the NHL to start thinking outside the box.

Or in this case, outside the borders.